IELTS writing task 1 academic reports band 9 model answer from Cambridge book 14. [book 15 model answers here] I will show you how to analyse the task, plan it, and write it to a band nine level. I’ll go into detail about the task achievement, cohesion and coherence, lexical resource, and grammar.
The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals, of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals, of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The pie charts give nutritional information regarding three types of potentially unhealthy ingredients for different meals. Overall, dinner accounted for the highest levels of salt and saturated fat, whereas snacks accounted for the highest levels of sugar that was added.
Salt and saturated fat consumption followed similar patterns. Dinner accounted for 43% and 37%, respectively. This was followed by lunch with 29% sodium and 26% fat. Levels of sodium were the same for breakfast and snacks at 14%. Fat was significantly higher for snacks at 21% than it was for breakfast (16%).
Added sugar had roughly opposite consumption patterns. Forty-two percent of the sugar was consumed from snacks. The next highest was dinner at 23% and lunch at 19%. Breakfast accounted for the lowest percentage at only 16%.
In conclusion, dinner accounted for the highest levels of salt and saturated fat, whereas snacks accounted for the highest levels of sugar that was added.
As can be seen from the information above, most sodium and saturated fats were consumed for dinner, while for sugar it was snacks.
[128/151]
[Note that added this last paragraph on because the response was under 150 words. Essentially I have just paraphrased the overall summary in the introduction. This is to show you what to do if you find yourself in this situation in the test.]
The chart below shows the value of one countries exports in various categories during 2015 in 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015.
The bar chart illustrates a nation’s exports, by category, in 2015 and 2016; and the table gives the changes and exports for each category, on a percentage basis during the same period. Overall, all categories increased except for precious stones and jewellery.
The top two exports, which were oil-based goods and engineered products, had similar sales volumes. Petroleum products increased slightly by 3% from $60 billion in 2015 to about $62 billion in 2016. Engineered goods increased at a faster rate of 8.5% from roughly $58 billion in 2015 to approximately $61 billion in 2016.
The other three categories had much lower export values. Gems and jewellery recorded the only decline in sales of about $42 billion in 2015 declining by about 5 per cent in 2016. Farming products were $30 billion in 2015 and had only a slight increase of .81%. The greatest increase, of over 15%, was for textiles, which increased from approximately $25 billion to over $30 billion.
[162 words]
rephrasing of given vocabulary
country = nation
export earnings = earnings from exports, exports, sales abroad
petroleum products = oil, crude oil, oil based products
engineered goods goods = manufactured products
gems and jewellery = precious stones and jewels
agricultural products = farm produce
textiles = cloth materials
% /percentages = per cent, proportion
The diagram below shows how electricity is generated in a hydroelectric power station.
The illustration shows how a hydroelectric electricity plant generates power. Overall, power is generated during the day when water is released from a dam, and then at night, the water is pumped back to the dam.
Looking first at the daytime operation, this begins when water flows down a river to a high-level water storage facility with a dam. Next, the water passes through an intake of the dam and to a hydropower station. Subsequently, the water turns turbines which feeds power to the National Grid. At the end of the daytime, the water ends up in a low-level reservoir.
The nighttime operation starts with the turbines being reversed and water being pumped from the low-level reservoir. This water is then pumped up to the dam and into the high-level reservoir. All the water stays in the high-level reservoir because the intake to the dam is closed.
The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.
The two pictures illustrate a park when it opened in 1920 and today. Overall, every feature of the park has been changed except for the entrances and one of the three rose gardens.
Looking first at the far left side of the image, the seats and music stage have been converted into a large amphitheatre with stadium-like seating. In the centre of the park, the two entrances remain the same, but the water fountain has been transformed into a rectangular-shaped rose garden with seating around each side.
Turning to the far-right side of the plans, the pond has become a play area for children and the glasshouse is now a water feature. Below the water feature, an underground parking area has been built and this can be accessed by turning left off Eldon Street. Next to the entrance on Arnold Avenue, the rose garden has been replaced with a café.
[150 words]
The pie charts illustrates the proportion of consumption of three types of nutrients found in typical meals in the USA may lead to poor health when consumed in excess quantity.
Overall, the charts reported the highest consumption of sodium and saturated fat during dinner whereas sugar consumption is maximum during snacks.
Sodium and saturated fat is consumed in similar proportion during all the stages of a day with maximum of 43% and 37% respectively in dinner.The least consumption of sodium is recorded twice with 14% during breakfast and snacks whereas for saturated fat, it is 16% during breakfast.The consumption of sodium and fat is almost similar during lunch with 26% and 29% respectively.
The proportion of consumption of sugar is opposite to other two nutrients with the exception during breakfast where it is consumed least accounting for 16%. It recorded the highest consumption during snacks with 43%.It is observed that the proportion of added sugar consumed during lunch and dinner is almost similar accounting for 23% and 19% respectively.
1. Task Achievement: Band 6
Strengths: The response addresses the task by summarising key trends from the pie charts. It identifies which nutrients are consumed the most and least at different meal times and discusses the overall patterns of consumption.
Weaknesses: There is some lack of precision in the description of the data. For instance, the second paragraph lacks clarity, and the phrase “Sodium and saturated fat is consumed in similar proportion during all the stages of a day” is not fully accurate, as there are notable differences, especially between lunch and dinner. Additionally, the response does not clearly state that the pie charts refer to the daily distribution of nutrients.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5
Strengths: The essay is logically structured with an overview provided, followed by a discussion of the individual nutrients. There is a reasonable progression of ideas from the general to the specific.
Weaknesses: Cohesion between sentences is somewhat weak due to incorrect or missing transitions. For example, in the second paragraph, sentences could flow better with the help of linking words such as “In contrast” or “Similarly.” Also, there is some repetition of ideas, such as in the description of sodium and saturated fat consumption, where similar points are made in successive sentences.
3. Lexical Resource: Band 6
Strengths: The vocabulary is generally sufficient to describe the trends in the data. Words like “proportion,” “consumption,” and “recorded” are appropriately used.
Weaknesses: There are a few inaccuracies in word usage. For instance, “sodium and saturated fat is” should be “sodium and saturated fat are” (plural). The phrase “the proportion of added sugar consumed during lunch and dinner is almost similar” could be more precisely expressed as “the proportions of added sugar consumed during lunch and dinner are similar.”
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5
Strengths: The report makes some attempts at complex sentence structures, such as “The proportion of consumption of sugar is opposite to other two nutrients.”
Weaknesses: There are noticeable grammatical errors that impact clarity, particularly with subject-verb agreement. For example, “Sodium and saturated fat is consumed” should be “Sodium and saturated fat are consumed.” Another issue is missing articles, such as in “the other two nutrients” (should be “the other two nutrients”). Punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after full stops and inconsistent use of commas, also detract from the clarity.
Overall Band: 5.5
The bar chart demonstrates the one country’s value of exports during the years 2015 and 2016. Whereas, the table illustrates the changes in the percentage of petroleum, engineered, gems and jewellery, agriculture and textile products in 2016 by comparing these products with 2015. Overall, petroleum products showed more than $60 billion in earnings in 2016. While the value of textile products increased by 15.24% respectively.
The bar chart displayed depicts different earnings of export products. In 2015, the gems and jewellery products earned more than $ 40 billion followed by a decrease in earnings in 2016. However, it has been observed that petroleum products indicated more than $60 billion in earnings in 2016 which was followed by a slight decrease in earnings of engineered goods ($60 billion).
Now, let’s move on to the comparison table which represents the change in the value of products in percentages. the value of all the products rose significantly except the Gems and jewellery products whose value fell drastically by 5.18% whereas, compared to other products the value of textile products rose dramatically in 2016.
1. Task Achievement
Fulfillment: Your response provides an overview of the data, comparisons, and specific details, which is good. However, the inclusion of specific data points for all categories (not just petroleum, gems and jewellery, and textile products) would make the response more comprehensive.
Clarity and Completeness: The overall trend is mentioned, but the introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating the types of products compared. The conclusion is missing, which would ideally summarise the main trends or notable points.
2. Coherence and Cohesion
Logical Organisation: The information is logically organised, first addressing the bar chart, then the table. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Cohesion: While some linking words are used (“Whereas,” “However”), varied and more sophisticated cohesive devices could enhance the response.
3. Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The use of specific terms like “earnings,” “value,” “fell drastically,” and “rose dramatically” is appropriate. The range is somewhat limited and could be expanded with more varied expressions and precise language.
Accuracy and Appropriateness: There are minor lexical inaccuracies, such as “the value of textile products increased by 15.24% respectively” – “respectively” is not correctly used here.
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: A mix of simple and complex structures is used. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed or overly long.
Grammar Usage: There are several grammatical errors (“the bar chart displayed depicts,” “it has been observed that,” misuse of “whereas”) that need to be corrected. The use of past tense is appropriate for discussing data from past years.
To have your writing corrected by an ex-IELTS examiner, please refer to the link below:
http://www.ieltsanswers.com/writing-correction-ielts.html
The bar chart provides data on the earning in export of a specific country in numerous categories between 2015 and 2016, while the table gives information about the percentage change in each category in 2016 compared with the previous year. These categories include petroleum products, engineered goods, gems and jewelry, agricultural products, and textiles.
In general, it was only in gems and jewelry that one sees a decline in value after a year. In addition, oil based products contributed the highest amount of export revenue to the nation’s budget.
Looking at the details, petroleum products generated just over 60 billion dollars in 2015, followed by engineered products at around 57 billion dollars at second place. While the former increased merely 3 percent after one year, the latter experienced a remarkable gain of 8.5%. Although the contribution of textiles in 2016 export value was just half of that of oil related products, it was this category that witnessed the strongest improvement in percentage change at more than 15 percent compared to a year before. The value of agricultural produce showed no noticeable growth at below 1 percent.
By contrast, gems and jewelry started at approximately 42 billion dollars in export revenue in 2015, then saw a minimal decline of around 5 percent after one year. By 2016, they contributed over 40 billion dollars to the national income from export, finishing at the third place on the list of five.
will give you three free points on your writing. For a full correction with scores for all four criteria by an IELTS examiner please see this link: https://www.ieltsanswers.com/writing-correction-ielts.html
overall score:7.5
1: “earning in export of a specific country” should be “export earnings of a country”
2: “the highest amount of export” should be “exports”
3: You do not need to list all the categories in the introduction. It is a waste of time. “These categories include petroleum products, engineered goods, gems and jewelry, agricultural products, and textiles.”
The charts illustrate average percentages in food meals of three kinds of nutrients, all of them can be bad for reported Americans.
Overview, details show that the Americans consume mostly sodium (43 percentage ) and saturated fat ( 37 percentage ) for dinner. Meanwhile added sugar is also consumed for the dinner but in a smaller percentage of 23.
Looking from the charts results we can see that for lunch we have almost equal percentages in consuming sodium (29 %) and saturated fat (26%). Added sugar have again smaller percentages (19%). Americans almost use the same amount of three nutritions for the breakfast. Rapidly change happends for snacks. Here the main nutrition is added sugar (42 percentage ), following the saturated fat (21 percentage) and the last is sodium (14 percentage).
All in all, the charts details us that consuming each nutritions in bigger amounts can be very damaging for health. We may consider that healthy life- style needs to be in balance between all meals of the day.
most criteria look okay for six except for task achievement…. Task achievement is lower due to
1. You giving opinions in the final paragraph … Instead you should be writing an overall summary of the key information. You must not give any personal opinions for these tasks!!! https://www.ieltsanswers.com/writing-correction-ielts.html
The maps illustrate how grange park, which is between Arnold avenue and Eldon street, changed over two time periods (1920 and present).
Overall, everything which was present in the past has been replaced now except entrances of the park and rose garden on the far left. Seats are totally removed while café and play area for children in introduced.
First of all, on the west side of the park, stage for musicians, seats and rose garden on the bottom side have been replaced with amphitheatre for concerts. While, rose garden on the north west remained unchanged.
In the year 1920, glass house, pond for water plants, seating area and rose garden were present on the right side of the park which has been replaced which Café, play area and water feature. There is an introduction of new underground entrance of car parking at the corner of water feature which can be access from eldon street.
In the end, in the center of the park fountain was present between both entrances in 1920. It is now converted in to rose garden and benches are made around it for sitting.
It helped me a lot ..thank You So much
Thanks, you’re welcome
Thank u so much for sharing me this valuable link 😊
You are very welcome.
The illustration shows how the layout of a public park has changed over time since it was inaugurated back in 1920.
Grange Park in today day have been reworked to cater our 20th century needs. It’s entrance from Arnold Avenue which is its North entrance and its South entrance from Eldon Street remains unchanged, in fact they now have an underground car parking from the South East corner. As soon as you enter from either of the gates, visitors will notice that the fountain has been replaced by a Rose garden surrounded by Seating area which was previously all over its borders. Stage of Musicians which was on the West end has been replaced by a huge Amphitheater to host concerts. If you move towards the East you will see major changes, Pond for water plants on the North East corner has been replaced by a Children’s play area. They also managed to add a Cafe right between the entrance of Arnold Avenue and the play area. On the South East corner visitors would recall seeing a Glasshouse which is now turned into a Water feature.
In conclusion, as time changes requirement of visitors change. These changes will make sure that needs of people from different age group has been taken care of.
1. You must not give any opinions or speculation. So you can’t talk about it being reworked to fit current needs or changes been made for different age groups
2. You don’t need a concluding paragraph… All you need is an overall summary
3. I don’t think there is a compass on that map from memory and if there is not you can’t start giving compass directions
4. Ideally you should try to find a way to separate the data in the two paragraphs… look at my model answers to see how I did this
Your time and effort cannot be appreciated enough! These samples are super helpful!
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
That is very appreciated effort dear Mike, kindly send them !
I just sent you email
Thanks for making videos on topics. its really helping me to learn how to write essay or writing task 1. May God bless you!.
You’re welcome. Study hard!
Here are some questions I would like you to check upon,
‘a nations exports’ – shouldn’t that be *nations’s
‘oil based’ – isn’t that one *oil-based
‘only decline with sales’ – shouldn’t that be decline *in sales
please update
Yes, thanks so much!
I have changed all three.