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Writing

Cohesion and Coherence in IELTS Report Writing

Cohesion and Coherence in IELTS Report Writing

I can’t see any logical separation of data into paragraphs. Always look for a logical way to separate the data.
I suggest you organize the data according to the fewest categories; in this case it is by [year category country]
Describe the data from highest to lowest.
Describe the data in chronological order = from the earliest to the latest time.
Avoid unnecessary repetition of information.
I suggest you put the overall summary at the end of the introduction so that you:

1.) won’t forget it

2.) form one solid paragraph rather than two smaller ones

[in this case there is NO concluding paragraph unless you feel you have not written 150 words]

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