Errors with Cohesion and Coherence in IELTS Writing
The purpose of the paragraph is not clear.
You do not use paragraphing appropriately.
Avoid basic sequencing words.
Try to avoid sample sequencing words such as: firstly secondly, as they are very basic sequences. Instead use something like: the main reason….another factor
Firstly, The main benefit is that students can get access to resources online with their computers anytime they want. This is of benefit for those who are not able to attend class at a certain time.Secondly, As well as this, students can choose where to study, and this is clearly a benefit to students who need to look after other members of their family.
You need to leave a blank line between paragraphs because if paragraphing is not clear you will get 5 for cohesion and coherence.
Avoid unnecessary repetition of information.
The topic sentence for paragraph ” was not good. You should write something like ”
You only really need two sentences for the introduction.
1.) Rephrase the topic.
2.) Say what the essay is about.
Your introduction seems unnecessarily long. This gives you less time to write the rest of the essay.
Your introduction does not clearly introduce to the reader what the topic is and what the essay is about.
The first sentence of each body paragraph should make it clear what the paragraph is about.
I do not like concessions (however, nevertheless) in the middle of a paragraph. Only use them to start a paragraph. Confusion results if you make any errors with vocabulary or grammar
Try to avoid long examples because it wastes words and also leads to a lack of progression in the development of your ideas.
Try to develop your main ideas better. You can do this by explaining them, adding details , and using illustrative examples.
Start the final paragraph with a more appropriate phrase like “In conclusion,”
Ideally the conclusion summarises the body of the essay by rephrasing the key points.
Opinion essay [argument essay]
Your introduction should let the examiner know the extent you agree or disagree.
You should give your opinion in the introduction of the essay.
You should give your opinion in the conclusion of the essay.
Start the body with the side you support more strongly. This is to avoid the examiner feeling you might be contradicting your opinion.
The body should focus more on why you agree/disagree.
The conclusion should summarise the reasons you agree/disagree and then give a final opinion or recommendation.
Don’t write about what you don’t think and then write NONETHELESS/HOWEVER and then what you really think. Just write about what you think (clearer and less words are needed)