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model essay ARTS AND MEDIA 1

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money.

Do you agree or disagree?

Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Comments about the task:
  1. A two question essay
  2. Note that it is not about whether they are paid a lot of money; rather, that it is too much money.
  3. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are only given as examples and you can talk about other types of entertainers
Plan:

Question ONE: 1. too high for the effort; 2. relatively unimportant to society

Question TWO: 1. contribution to society = doctors; 2. bear large responsibilities = teachers

 

Model Answer:

It is often said that people who work in the entertainment industry such as movie stars, musicians, and sports stars are being overpaid. This essay discusses why I think they are paid too much money and then I will describe other occupations that I think should receive higher salaries.

The main reason I strongly feel that the salaries are too high is that the entertainers’ income does not reflect the amount of work they do. For instance, a top star movie like Angelina Jolie can easily make one million dollars by acting in a single film. This amount may never be reached by many people during their life no matter how hard working they are. In addition, if we base a person’s income according to their relative contribution to society the incomes of entertainers seem too high. This is because entertainment is not as important to our society as much as other fields such as science and technology.

There are other professions that deserve to be paid more for their work. More specifically, people like doctors who make a big contribution to society should be rewarded more. Since doctors can save lives and give people hope, they should receive a high amount to reflect the meaningful contributions they make. Another type of occupation deserving of a good salary are teachers who have a huge responsibility to contribute to the education of the next generation seem to be underpaid. Surely people we entrust with such a task should be rewarded accordingly.

In conclusion, I reiterate my strong belief that entertainers are overpaid as they do not offer anything greater than other people who are working in other industries. It is advocated that people who make a significant contribution to society such as medical practitioners and teachers should be rewarded appropriately. I recommend that steps should be taken to address this disparity. [310 words]

Language:

reflect the low amount of work =reveal and show the low amount of work

relative contribution=comparative impact

fields such as science and technology =work areas such as science and technology

meaningful contributions=real assistance and help

gap in benefits =difference in benefits

Essay writing for IELTS

ielts test answers amazon-2-front-web

8 Responses

  1. Doctor

    Sir, I suppose, this essay isn’t presenting a clear view in the introduction. As you suggest, we should provide our point (agree/partly agree/ disagree) in the first paragraph.
    Need your valuable feedback. Thanks

  2. Hitesh

    In my essay I used word ‘professional’ trice, ‘hand full of paycheck’ and doctors twice . Other wise it was ok.So my question is can we repeat couple of different words twice to get 7+ band.
    Please give your valuable feedback.. thanks

    1. Mike Wattie

      Words can be repeated as long as it is not excessive.
      Avoid repeating idiomatic or less common expressions; for example,
      “hand full of paychecks” should NOT be repeated.

    1. MikeAdmin

      each body paragraph needs to have a key point in it. the task for the page you commented on is as follows:
      Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money.
      Do you agree or disagree?
      Which other types of job should be highly paid?

      This means that you need to have a paragraph about why you agree or disagree and another one about other jobs that should be paid highly

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