ielts essay introduction problems

Bad first impression in your writing?
Avoid these two common problems.
The first issue in the essay below is that the writer has failed to paraphrase the topic. This makes an extremely bad first impression with the examiner that will be difficult to shake off. As well as this, it has an extremely negative influence on the score for lexical resource because paraphrasing is a key aspect that the examiner is looking for.

 writing lexical resource range inadequate score lower

 Secondly, the candidate has not responded to the question in an ideal way. First of all, the writer has produced a wordy statement regarding whether they agree or disagree; and then ideally, the reasons for agreeing with the topic should be stated in the introduction. Please see below the student’s introduction and following that my recommended model answer.

 ielts writing students answer with an inadequate introduction

MODEL ANSWER
Currently, there are those who opine that senior managerial staff over the age of 55 should be put out to pasture in order to make room for new blood. I strongly agree with this because young people are more dynamic as well as more capable of embracing new technology.

The main reason why I believe the older management should be encouraged to retire is that the younger up and coming managers will be more dynamic and energetic.  Their improved physical capacity and mental drive will result in a more energetic work environment.  This will not only result in a workplace culture that is progressive and forward thinking, but it will also result in a leadership team that is not afraid to grab onto opportunities with both hands.  In today’s globally competitive market this will give company’s the edge they need to succeed.

Another reason why I support the notion of pushing the older manager’s aside is that with current technological advancements, the older people are not capable of moving with the pace of change.  Young people, fresh out of university are full of bright ideas and have in-depth knowledge of the latest technology.  There can be nobody better suited to help companies embrace the modern technology.  Take the use of video messaging applications, while the older generation is travelling to meetings the youth have already held the meeting online and have moved forward with the agreed strategies.

In conclusion, I completely agree that companies should be given a new lease of life by moving the deadwood out to make room for a youthful management team.  The more energetic younger managers will bring a fresh perspective resulting in a dynamic corporate culture and at the same time they will embrace technology resulting in a more efficient business process.  There can be no doubt that any manager over 55 should be put out to pasture.

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