The purpose of this post is to teach you how to write a better introduction for your IELTS essays

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Student version
Globalisation and advancement of technology has started to impel our young ones who now prefer to take a year off after completing their tertiary education to work or travel before joining college. The proponents of this view-point assert various merits of taking time-off [uncountable] before starting university studies; however, the detractors of the opinion argue otherwise. I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this action before providing my conclusion. [70 words]

Examiner’s comments

  1. The topic does not mention the causes and so neither should you…I strongly advise you just stick to rephrasing the topic, and not obfuscating the topic by adding your own comments on it or trying to give any sort of background information.
  2. The topic says nothing about “prefer” so you should not add this
  3. The introduction is LONG at 70 words; my version below is only 30 words

LOOK!!!! Two sentences only are needed, and get rid of the “fluff” that only serves to obfuscate the topic”
Sentence 1: rephrase the topic
Sentence 2: say what the essay is about

Examiners version
In many nations, it is advocated that young people should have a gap year between college and university.
This essay discusses the merits and drawbacks of a year off studying. [30 words]

See my model IELTS essays and learn from them.


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