model essay ARTS AND MEDIA 1

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money.

Do you agree or disagree?

Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Comments about the task:
  1. A two question essay
  2. Note that it is not about whether they are paid a lot of money; rather, that it is too much money.
  3. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are only given as examples and you can talk about other types of entertainers

Plan:
Question ONE: 1. too high for the effort; 2. relatively unimportant to society
Question TWO: 1. contribution to society = doctors; 2. bear large responsibilities = teachers

Model Answer:
It is often said that people who work in the entertainment industry such as movie stars, musicians, and sports stars are being overpaid. This essay discusses why I think they are paid too much money and then I will describe other occupations that I think should receive higher salaries.

The main reason I strongly feel that the salaries are too high is that the entertainers’ income does not reflect the amount of work they do. For instance, a top star movie like Angelina Jolie can easily make one million dollars by acting in a single film. This amount may never be reached by many people during their life no matter how hard working they are. In addition, if we base people’s income on their relative contribution to society the incomes of entertainers seem too high. This is because entertainment is not as important to our society as much as other fields such as science and technology.

There are other professions that deserve to be paid well for their work. More specifically, people like doctors who make a big contribution to society should be rewarded . Since doctors can save lives and give people hope, they should receive a high amount to reflect the meaningful contributions they make. Another type of occupation deserving of a good salary is teachers because they have a huge responsibility to contribute to the education of the next generation. Surely people we entrust with such a task should be rewarded accordingly.

In conclusion, I reiterate my strong belief that entertainers are overpaid as they do not offer anything greater than other people who are working in other industries. It is advocated that people who make a significant contribution to society such as medical practitioners and teachers should be rewarded appropriately. I recommend that steps should be taken to address this disparity. [310 words]

Language:
reflect the low amount of work =reveal and show the low amount of work
relative contribution=comparative impact
fields such as science and technology =work areas such as science and technology
meaningful contributions=real assistance and help
gap in benefits =difference in benefits

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18 thoughts on “model essay ARTS AND MEDIA 1”

    1. Arpita Parmar

      I’m facing challenges in writing task 2 , in sentence structure and grammer . Can I get essay band wise to I can analyse.

  1. Sir, I suppose, this essay isn’t presenting a clear view in the introduction. As you suggest, we should provide our point (agree/partly agree/ disagree) in the first paragraph.
    Need your valuable feedback. Thanks

      1. Use “I” when:
        1. the question is asking for YOUR opinion
        2. when giving any example that involves YOU

        Try to avoid using “we”…you can use “we” when writing in the 3rd person “we are using our phones more than ever”
        but it is better to write “”people are using their phones more than ever”

  2. In my essay I used word ‘professional’ trice, ‘hand full of paycheck’ and doctors twice . Other wise it was ok.So my question is can we repeat couple of different words twice to get 7+ band.
    Please give your valuable feedback.. thanks

    1. Words can be repeated as long as it is not excessive.
      Avoid repeating idiomatic or less common expressions; for example,
      “hand full of paychecks” should NOT be repeated.

    1. each body paragraph needs to have a key point in it. the task for the page you commented on is as follows:
      Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money.
      Do you agree or disagree?
      Which other types of job should be highly paid?

      This means that you need to have a paragraph about why you agree or disagree and another one about other jobs that should be paid highly

  3. Dear Mr Mike, could you please check these comments, corrections

    if we base a person’s income according to their relative contribution ( to his relative contribution)
    Another type of occupation deserving of a good salary are teachers who have a ( are the teachers )

    1. I changed it to “people’s income on their relative contribution to society.” This is to avoid the need to say “his or her relative contribution”

      if you changed to “the teachers”… Then this suggests that only some of the teachers have the responsibility, so I didn’t make this change. I did change the word who to because to better reflect that the second clause is about the reason….so now the sentence reads:

      “Another type of occupation deserving of a good salary is teachers because they have a huge responsibility to contribute to the education of the next generation.”

  4. ADRIANA SAYURI ONARI

    Thanks for your website, I’m loving it. I have a doubt, is it ok to give my opinion and reforce it in the conclusion if its not the question on the essay? Or should only give my opinion on opinion essay?

  5. Hi Mike! Does it make sense if I answer the first question with the point “I agree they are getting too much money because it’s causing social problems”, and then move on to discuss the problems in the second paragraph? Do the arguments in both body paragraphs have to be related, i.e. work load/responsibility and contribution to society?

    1. Social problems is fine for answering question one and you can explain this when answering question one [paragraph 2]
      paragraph 3 you need to be explaining jobs that deserve high salaries and this could be related to the earlier point of not causing social problems but is probably going to be something different
      such as people who save lives [doctors] people who make contributions to the youth of the country [teachers]

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